i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
Randomize
