Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
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