ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
Randomize
