Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
Randomize
