Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
She even gives head with a lisp.
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
Randomize
