I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
