Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
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