Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
My dad just said "fuck circus"
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
Randomize
