last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
Randomize
