just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
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