Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
I need a hoe opinion
go on
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