WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
Randomize
