Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
The chlamydia really affected his face.
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
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