I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
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