I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
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