READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
Randomize