i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
Randomize