i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
Randomize
