but the lizard people decide everything anyway
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
sick fucks of a feather flock together
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
All I want is dick and wine.
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
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