at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Randomize
