just do it
fine only cuz shes asian
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
