i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
Randomize
