Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
Randomize
