Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
I just threw up on my dentist
i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
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