Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
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