I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
