I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
My Sexting was not on an AP level
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
