Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
You know, be my cock's hype man.
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
Randomize
