But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
Randomize
