non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
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