glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
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