i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
Randomize
