its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
Randomize