so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Randomize
