Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
Randomize