For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
Houston, we have a blender
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
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