I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
Randomize
