Someone shit on the floor
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
Randomize