Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Randomize
