Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Randomize
