Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
Can I color on your dick again?
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize
