just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
Randomize
