just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
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