worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
Randomize
