he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Randomize
