im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
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