Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Randomize