awww and there was just a proposal on stage with the pussycat dolls !!!!!
Did someone propose they get off the stage?
every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
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