I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
Randomize
