I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
Randomize
