he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
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