are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
Randomize
