I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
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