I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
Randomize
