I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
Randomize
