When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
Randomize
