i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
BRING THE BAGELS
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
Randomize
