Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
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