East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
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