I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
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