well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Randomize
