he fucked my hip out of place.
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
