YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
Why can't burritos get me drunk
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
Randomize
