just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
