very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
Randomize
