I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
Randomize
